August 27, 2014

I went blonde & I'm so fancy

Hiiiiya! It's Wednesday & we need no introduction today!
Vodka and Soda

TECHNICALLY IT IS Tuesday, I was processing images, but my client rescheduled so I no longer have to have images processed tomorrow so now I'm hopping on the blog train today. We'll count that as a confession, I suppose

I DON'T HAVE AN excuse why I haven't been here recently other than I have a lack of inspiration. There for a while I was in a blah mood so everything I tried to write sounded like a major bitch session & that isn't what I want this to be about.

I WENT TO THE OZARKS a couple of weeks ago & there were several biotches who went that decided they didn't like me so YAY! That was fun. And I mean it was fine because I didn't exactly care for them either, but I like to think of myself as an adult so I got my happy little self right over it & tried to be congenial. I pride myself on that quality. But ironically while reading The Berry's Sunday brunch I saw this picture & literally laughed out loud. "If I'm gonna hang out with these girls I need to at least be a little bit drunk." YES! 

ALSO, I'M GONNA CALL these bitches out on being kind of narsty. I had to share a room, whatever, no big I've shared more personal things. So I was the last one to come into the room & I sat down on my bed to grab my bathroom bag to do hygienic things like wash my face & brush my teeth because food & alcohol setting on teeth makes for  cavities & I'm not about that life. So one was like are you going to get that light or do III need to do it?  **cool your jets, sis.** I said yes, I'll get it on my way out I'm not going to bed just yet, I need to brush my teeth. **because, hygiene** She said ugh okay. We're not brushing our teeth so if you'd get the light that'd be great. **sorry, I was unaware these other heffers couldn't speak for themselves** As I walk out of the room, after I hit the light of course, I hear one of them say "why would you brush your teeth at night when you're just going to have to do the same thing in the morning." **wait, what?!** Did these girls' parents not teach them the basics of personal health care. I hate people. Do not try to make me feel bad about my life because you choose to live like a mother loving slob.

I GOT MY HAIRS done a couple weeks ago. Eh, like a week & a half ago. I am now a blonde. And it was kind of an accident, in that I thought we were doing ombre & apparently the words that came out of my mouth that were trying to explain that & my descriptive picture didn't really sit with my girl. And that makes me sad. It was the first time in the whole 12 years she has done my hair that I didn't like it. I like it better now, but I mean my hair turns orange when I go blonde. We all know this. And now I'm biding my time until I go straight pumpkin. 'tis the season though, I guess.. 

THIS WEEK MY GOAL is to not wear real pants to work at all. Except for Saturday, I have a senior girl & that typically calls for me laying on the ground & crawling through weeds, skinnies for that day, leggings for the rest! Also, sorry that my decision to wear leggings as pants ruined your everything. #sorrynotsorry

ANYTIME I hear "first thing's first" I always finish it to myself out loud with "I'm da realest." 

I HAVE HAD IT with all the shit about Ferguson. I'm aware it's a "touchy" subject. But seriously, get the flippity flop over it. I change the channel anytime it is on. I think it's ridiculous the White House sent official to his funeral. Next time an officer dies in the line of duty, which knowing statistics, was probably yesterday do you think the White House will "send an official?" No. they won't. I do hope that his family finds peace in all of this, I really do. I'm not a complete assface. I just think that this has gone entirely too far & too long. 

What are YOUR confessions? I hope you're having a great week!!

Love & coffee

August 13, 2014

take some responsibility.

I tried & tried to write a post about my feelings of the riots, looting, & demonstrations in Ferguson this week. I've written whole posts & then deleted them.

I've read so many articles & have watched the news practically nonstop just to try to get details & learn what actually happened.

I've come to the conclusion no 2 stories or recounts are going to be the same. Everyone inserts their own opinion & made up facts into their writings & reports. And it seems that the truth will never come out.

I've heard what the witnesses say & what the police say. They are completely opposing stories. I don't really want to get into what I believe to be true, mostly because I don't know what to think. It's still unfathomable to me. That's what I struggled writing about. Even if I "knew" what happened & it would not be what she to my right or he to my left knows. Even if we all had all the facts, chances are we still wouldn't all be able to recount the events the same. They would have our own words & thoughts: therefore, they would all be different stories. Essentially the same fact base, but with little extras thrown in, making the stories totally different. Like the game of telephone. The word starts as egg & by the end of the line it turns into book. 

I think that everyone; no matter your color, religion, gender, sexual orientation, whatever, needs to learn to take responsibility for their actions. And that we all need to stop blaming each other. It's not worth the violence that ensues.

People are so quick to place blame & start fighting, or in this case, rioting, looting, & setting fires, that the family cannot even have proper time or silence to mourn. All they are hearing & seeing is news of "we're doing this for Mike." or "we're not going to take this police brutality." They aren't seeing any positive support for their son & family. All they are seeing is an outpouring of negative words, actions, & violence.

It's disrespectful to the deceased & his family.

I don't really have a whole lot more to say on the subject. I just wish that if the media is going to "educate" they wouldn't do so one sideded. **cough** **cough** jezebel **cough** **cough** excuse me. I just had a coughing fit. 

July 31, 2014

the road to self-acceptance


In lieu of working right now I'm blogging, obviously. The sunshine, despite the shades, is coming in my window at an awkward angle & making for extremely horrid color corrections. Next best thing, blog!

As I was doing my daily browsing & interweb hopping I came across THIS post by Rosie over at The Londoner. She talks about The Anti-Diet & I absolutely love the idea of it. Living life, loving your body, & filling it with things that are good for you instead of crap. She's a smart girl. 

She talks about living by an 80/20 rule. Being "good", eating healthy & for sustainability 80% of the time. And 20% of the time you can treat yourself to let's say, a corn dog & lemon shake up! ;)

The last week or so I have started concentrating on eating healthier & not filling my body with processed crap. And wouldn't ya know it, I'm starting to feel much better & have a lot more energy.

This week we've also amped out workouts. And by amped our workouts, I do mean put them into hyperactive fat-blasting mode. We're training to be super heroes, obviously. And it's been amazingly satisfying, even if I feel like I'm dying. It's in a good way!!

I'm really happy I found that post today because I struggle with the whole negative body image thing. Getting called fat everyday of 8th grade probably would be the root of this. HINT: I wasn't fat. ANOTHER HINT: at 23 the BULLIED has come a whole hell of a lot further than the BULLIES have come. Also, I have never told anyone in my adult life that. Noone. Not even The Cap'n. Unless I accidentally let it slip during one of our many best friend wine nights. That's something I kind of keep to myself. Welcome to my secret, internet. 

I'm pretty good at acting like I like my body to most people. VERY FEW only one person actually knows how I really feel about myself. AGAIN, welcome to my secret, internet. 

I'm really excited to start this whole anti-diet lifestyle. Living healthy & for me. Learning to love my body & hopefully losing weight & getting stronger along the way! 

She does talk about giving up coffee & diet coke. Those are two things I just cannot do. I don't drink a diet coke every single day. But I do have probably 3-5 a week. And I have multiple cups of coffee a day. I need the caffeine. It's crucial to my & everyone around me('s?) well being. 

Here's to the journey.

ALSO, I'D LIKE TO NOTE: I don't know about you all but I for one cannot believe that today is the last day of July. Is this real life? Summer hasn't even started & it's already over. AMIRITE??

Any tips for self-acceptance? Do you struggle with this too? Let's help each other!!

kisses & caffeine <3

July 30, 2014

confessions of a not so eventful life

IT'S WEDNESDAY & TODAY'S POST NEEDS NO INTRODUCTION. It's time for confessions with Kathy!
Vodka and Soda

I WASH MY CAR MORE THAN I CHAGNE MY SHEETS. In my defense: most nights I shower right (eh like 3 hours) before I crawl into bed. So It's fine to only change them like every… so often. But my car?? That girl gets washed once a week on Monday or Tuesday. It's a habit I picked up right when I got my first car. My dad yells less when I have a clean car. He would tell you I don't wash it that often. Truth is he just doesn't always notice.

I'VE SWORN OFF MAN(child).  I also swore off ever mentioning said man(child) here again. I did this in my head. I didn't put it in writing - so here it is. Not worthy of me or my time. This might sound a little high-horsey & I'm too good. But it's not high-horsey. However, it is - I'm too good (for him anyways.) 

LATELY MY DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DAY IS not putting on real pants. If I can go a whole day with only wearing yoga pants, norts(nike shorts - if you've been living under a rock), or full on baggy sweatpants it has been quite a successful day. As ready & excited as I am to move into my studio I sure will miss my days without pants.

I'M SUPPOSED TO BE REALLY PAYING ATTENTION TO MY DIET.  However, something about having made this commitment has turned a switch inside me that yells EAT ALL OF THE FOODS. I have done very well for the most part the past couple days except tonight I fell to the cries of ice-cream from my freezer. I'm not even typically one to eat ice-cream from the freezer. I'd much rather go somewhere to get a treat.

I'M GOING TO THE OZARKS THIS WEEKEND with some friends from college. And I won't lie, what appealed to me the most is that I don't have to be around anyone from home for 2 whole days. (this feeling excludes a few, you know who you are) But I'm really happy that I don't have to be in town or with anyone from town.

AS FAR A CONFESSIONS GO these are far from salacious. But when you lead a life as uneventful as mine as of late you learn to take what you can get.

What are your deepest & darkest of the week? ;)
have a good one, y'all.
peace, love, & coffee

July 25, 2014

Friday: who ya gonna call?

It's Friday. To photographers aka not the weekend! But that's okay because I don't mind weddings. Here we go with favorites. This is my first Friday post in months! Leggo!

Let's start with my current FAVORITE JAM:
Follow Your Arrow by Kacey Musgraves on Grooveshark



Anything that is chocolate I can get my little paws on


  - faith in humanity: temporarily restored
  - seriously when I was reading the Netflix one I was like yes. yes. YES!! Netflix is my most fulfilling relationship these days. This is probably a big ol' red flag. but guess what! #bighairdontcare I also really enjoyed the extremely fantastic use of 80s movies. I wish my life was like an 80s movie. Jake Ryan, where are you? Why can't you really exist?!


Not on a WB series I don't, Leo!

I hope y'all have had a fantastical week & a great upcoming weekend!

coffee & cupcakes

July 24, 2014

you there, with the 8 legs

It's Friday Eve!! We've made it. And I blogged every day thus far! WHOA!! 

I have this debilitating fear of spiders. It's serious. I sometimes have these awful, extremely real feeling dreams about spiders crawling on me in my bed. Sometimes I can move, sometimes I can't. Also, sometimes I remember them other times, like when it first started happening, my mom would find me curled up in a ball in the hallway screaming about the "giant spider in my bed." Scary. Mind you I was like 18, this isn't some childhood thing. I was a senior in high school. I guess she just put me back to bed because I had no clue it had happened when I woke up. 

With this information, it should come as no surprise that I make my dad spray the house down with this really really concentrated industrial strength bug killer more often than what is probably necessary. And now that I have my own place I've made him spray it twice so far, typically it's a bi-yearly thing, I think. I've been in there for like 6 weeks (not full time yet, seeing as I'm still sans toilet.)

On Monday night he and I were at the studio finishing up putting the faceplates on the outlets & things when I spotted the biggest of spiders I have ever seen (that's a stretch, but still. It was quite large) I probably could have hopped on the little heffer's back and ridden her. Dad killed it along with all the little evil devil's spawn that scurried from it's corpse. Stated: "I guess I need to spray again." Yeah, Dad. That'd be great. My ass isn't coming back until that happens.

Tuesday night he sprayed. A lot. A lot. A lot. He came back in from getting the outside & said "Spiders are hard to kill. You get roaches & other bugs who walk through it and then put their hands in their mouths *motions with his hand to his mouth like nom nom nom* and they're done. But spiders, their little feet and mouths are so tiny it's hard to get to them. You really have to spray a lot down." 

I was cracking up. It was the funniest thing. I mean, you might have to know my dad, but picture this tall man who is pretty stoic (not all the time, but most the time) motioning to his mouth with his hands a la cookie monster om nom nom. 

Now, I'm going to go off & have horrible dreams because I have relived this traumatizing event from Monday. But I had to share the visual of Dad.

I hope you all have a beautiful day & a great weekend! 

kisses & peaches

July 23, 2014

confesssions: I'm just not that into you

Hump Day Confessions. My favorite day. I really really like these posts, mostly because reading everyone else's makes me feel not so bad! Thanks, y'all! ;)

To start off here's a fun one: this guy has been on me wanting to go out again…..

A. wasn't so awesome the first time
B. "I've just been really busy lately." - false. kind of. I have been really busy, but not so busy as to not be able to go out for a minute every Thursday night. And you know, hang out with other people. 

On to the next one

You know those Maytag commercials where the Maytag guy is pretending to be the appliances? They crack my shit up. Every single time. I'm a marketing director's dream. 

I hate laundry. a lot. Not the actual sorting or placing in the wash but the hanging up, folding, & putting away process. But turns out, doing laundry every 2-3 weeks results in much more hanging, folding, & putting away. Who woulda thunk that?

Most weeks I end up wearing at least one pair of running tights 2 days (sometimes in a row, sometimes not) without washing. GROSS! I used to be on this great Thursday wash my gym clothes schedule - but that fails most the time. hashtag: no shame

I finished writing this at a bar. On my computer. Yes, I took my computer to the bar.

July 22, 2014


Hello there Tuesday people! Good to see you again!

Recently I was rewatching the first season of Withes of East End on Netflix. If you haven't seen it - go watch it. Now. Then start season 2 on Lifetime because there are only 3 episodes so far and you'll catch up quick so we can talk about it!

So, Joanna had a quote that I really really relate to. Especially as of late. "How much of what you say to me is bullshit & how much is actually sincere?" She said that and I was like YES! so much yes! I feel this way about a great deal of people. Probably more than is normal.

Some people, I'm sure, are actually being sincere it's just I have a really big problem with the whole trusting people thing - so I always meet something that sounds sincere with a raised eyebrow & heavy dose of sarcasm.

And then there are other people who say things that sound like they're sincere & meaningful (I'm positive they are not) & not 5 minutes later follow up with acting like an utter d-bag & can fuck right off. Then they go on to say something super nice. You're ups & downs are giving me motion sickness! 

It's these people who make me want to ask: "How much of what you say to me is bullshit & how much is actually sincere?" 

I ask you, do you have people in your life that make you want to ask that question? Why do we continue to put up with it?! I'd really like some insight on this

Have a grrreaaaat day, y'all!!
sincerely ;)

July 21, 2014

hit the spot like a fireball shot

Happy Monday, everyone!! As I sit here writing this to you I'd like you to know I'm sitting in my very cushy, extremely plush grey & white chevron chair at my very own painted pine farm table turned desk. These are both sitting in my not quite finished, extremely cluttered office at my studio!! How freaking exciting is this!? I seriously cannot believe this is happening! I'm waiting on the telephone guy to get here to install my phone line. My wi-fi was set up Thursday - why they phone line wasn't set up the same day is beyond me - both services are through AT&T.

The only downfall to this little set up is there is currently not yet a toilet & as you can imagine this is a problem!

If you frequent this little space often, you'll have notice that I have been on a little huge hiatus. I'm hoping that changes soon. So, what better way to jump back on the horse than with a quick recap of the most fun day ever.

I spent yesterday in STL with two of the best friends a girl could ask for. We went to places none of us had been before. We had lunch, drinks, & went to a concert. We laughed & there was absolutely no drama. It was seriously the best day I've had in a long time.

First stop for the day: Bailey's Range. And oh my god - it was phenomenal!! 
I had the Dave's Smoked burger - fries with bbq sauce, that's made in house. And this little beauty below is the Strawberry Basil boozy lemonade. SO GOOD!! An excellent lunch choice if you're ever in Downtown St. Louis

Next stop: The Urban Chestnut Brewing Co. The perfect spot for a beer on the patio. Our only complaint? We could have used a breeze. No real worries though. The atmosphere was amazing & it was a really cool place to hang out!

Then to Harpo's, a bar I went to in college frequently. Always a good time!

Next we headed off to the concert & started things off right with baby fireball shots!
The headliner was Dierks Bentley! He had John Pardi, Chase Rice, & Chris Young with him! It was such an amazing time!

We pretended to get drunk on a plane. 

We drank some beers & danced

And took obnoxious photos. Apparently I was incapable of keeping my tongue in my mouth.

And I added 2 new coozies to my collection!

Also, apparently I entered to possibly be a part of a bikini bull riding competition at the PBR bar at Ball Park Village. That would get a few good laughs!!

All in all it was an amazing day & I would do it over a million times! 

Have a great week y'all!

July 16, 2014

I booked a wedding!

Hey y'all! Look who actually showed up today. It's been a LONG time! I have been working every possible minute getting things together at the studio. It won't be long now. We're awaiting a toilet(which will be in by the end of the week, or so I'm told) & then small finishing touches. Phone & interwebs are being hooked up tomorrow!

Today I come to you with an addition to my 30 BEFORE 30. Honestly, I don't know why this wasn't on there from the beginning!

I am adding AND crossing this off all in the same post. What is this goal, you might ask? You're shouting: "EM! GET TO THE POINT!"

Okay. Okay.  Here it is: Book a wedding!! A wedding all my own! I did it!!!

And I didn't book 1. Not even 2. But THREE!!

It wasn't 3 weeks ago I cried to my friend for an hour because no one would trust me with their wedding. Not even my friends. It was a major blow to my ego. (us artsy fartsy people are sensitive souls) And then literally the next day. THE NEXT DAY! I got a call about a wedding. We booked. 2 weeks later another one. 2 days after that. ANOTHER!!!

The first is in December and the other 2 aren't until next summer, plenty of time to prepare!

I'm so happy to share this and post this! Have a fantastic week, friends!

June 11, 2014

you hold my heart.

It is not oft that I cry. It’s very rare, actually. But I’ve noticed a trend. Most often when I find myself crying it is because:
A) exhaustion, and I have no freaking clue why tears are falling from my eyes & I cannot stop. It just has to run it’s course.
B) a song – sometimes this song has past meaning; like when I’m alone or with a few girls from high school and You’re Gonna Miss This or Laughed Until We Cried come on (our maypole songs) I once bawled at a Kenny Chesney concert. It was right after my cousin passed & he sang Who You’d Be Today. It was awful. I still can’t listen to that song. Nothing quite hits like a song live.

Today as I was painting, cutting in the edges, if you will. I’m A Small Town by Kenny Chesney came on. And somewhere between the fumes, poor circulation, & mental exhaustion I found myself crying. Not The Fault in Our Stars (BOOK) or An Affair to Remember (MOVIE) type of cry. But more than a glistening tear.
I will pause for you to listen to it.
I’m a Small Town by Kenny Chesney on Grooveshark
If you listened, thanks buddy! If not, we’re not friends anymore. Just kidding. ;)

It’s not that I just then, in that moment, realized how much I love where I live. But I think it all kind of hit me that my dreams are coming true & there is nowhere else I can picture that happening. There is nowhere else that I want to build my life.

There is a line in the song, “where you grew up & couldn’t wait to just get out.” And that was so me. (and I'm about 1000% sure everyone else) When I was 18, like most kids that age I was hell bent on getting out of here. “you left in a cloud of dust. big city bound. but I never once gave up.”

I LOVED STL. I HATED savannah. I missed every thing about this place - going out to dinner & not getting to finish a meal without seeing at least 15 people you know. Or your family getting to a restaurant at the same time as another family and sitting together impromptu. I missed the closeness. Heck I missed walking into somewhere having never met the person I was speaking to and them saying “you’re Gene’s girl.” Yepp. Sure am!

Either you love me or you hate me for everything I am.
Either I hold your heart or I hold you down.

I’m a small town.

I've been skipping out on this place a lot lately. It's really that I don't have much mental capacity at the end of the day to produce a whole lot of quality writing. But this was a story I thought worthy of print. 

Have a happy weekend y'all. I'm saying now I won't be here for a Friday post. Maybe I will. But probs not.
Love you mean it.

June 5, 2014

who goes there?

LAST WEEK THE WITTY  & WONDERFUL ALYSSA WROTE ABOUT wondering who is reading her blog, if that one certain person is reading. And I must admit I go through the same cycle. I mean I know of a few people that actually give a damn about what I have to say here in my little space of the interwebs. I've had friends I didn't know read mention something to me about things I've written. Instant panic, btw. But I mean, it's cool! It's not like I'm hiding anything here - I tweet the links for fucksake. It's a public blog for anyone to happen upon. I love it here & wouldn't change anything. Ultimately I choose what I do & do not disclose. It's not written anywhere that we bloggers have to spill everything out here on our blogs. And if you do, more power to ya! We live in a world where "you're damned if you do & you're damn if you don't. Might as well just do what ever you want." 

But there are those certain people who I KNOW USED to read.
do you still?
you don't.
why would you?
I don't mean anything to you.
but do you read?
you probably do.
why would you care what I have to say?
just stop.

I need this vicious cycle to end. so I give you this - 

I wonder: do you still read? You used to encourage me to write. You liked that I enjoyed it. do you still read? Because I totally talk about you. I would slam you without any hesitation.

I wonder: do you still read? You said to me dreaming is great & all but do you really think you can do it? do you still read? You didn't believe in me. Now you'll see that I'm getting what I always dreamed of.

I wonder: do you still read? You disregarded my dreams as foolish & childish. But you PUSHED me. you pushed me to go after what I wanted even harder. so suck it, ass face.

I wonder: do you still read? Just to check in on my life, of course. You want to know about me. It's really cool that I do this - right?

I wonder: do you still read? Now that you're happy with your relationship. Since you got the encouragement you needed from me. The advice. The kind words. do you still read?

Just some things I needed to get outa my head. It's getting too cluttered up there & I need the space. I don't have time or energy to worry about you anymore. 

do you still read? take it or leave it as you may. 

June 4, 2014

boob sweat & melting chapstick

Hello Wednesday peoples! The season of boob sweat & melting Chapstick is upon us.

I think we all know what's coming - CONFESSIONS. 
Confessions, Part 2 by Usher on Grooveshark
Every day, no matter what I do - workouts, sessions, simply stepping outside - boob sweat all day long. Which is fine, because I'd rather that than be cold!

Also, going to put some chappy stick on the lippies has to be done ever so carefully as to not smear half the stick on your face. Which honestly is kind of funny, but it gets old after about the 4th time. This speaks about where my head is lately, because you'd think I would learn. Evidentially not!

I realized the other day I have wished & hoped nearly a full year away. I've been wishing for my studio to be move-in ready for so so long that I can't hardly remember little things from about the last year.

On Sunday I sat down for lunch & fell asleep with breadstick in hand.

Currently I'm wanting to throw the awesome party that comes after the wedding ceremony - Not that I'm even dating anyone. Or want to be for that matter. I'm a big sack of anal retentive, obsessive compulsive & it's going to take a special person to put up with me - perfectionism is a curse.

I'm 15 posts away from my 100th post! I want to say I have big plans, but well I don't.

And lately it seems that I would rather sit at home & read or sleep than go out. But I still go out for a bit, because I still want to keep up appearances & don't want to loose touch with people. 

Vodka and Soda

Thanks for stopping by! What are YOUR confessions TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME!!
Was that excessive? Not sorry ;) Have a good week, y'all!

June 1, 2014

Current Events!

Holy moly, Y'all. This has been some week! I posted on Tuesday about The Fault in Our Stars & that was about all I was able to be involved in Bloglandia!

For starters, last Saturday marked the beginning of Wedding Season. {ugh, yes, I just used the term wedding season. I term I am NOT found of. But nonetheless, it is a thing….evidentially.} Anyways from this weekend forward I have a minimum of 3 events I need to attend - throw sessions & wedding photography in there & my life is a cluster. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

Today I'm going to link up with Lauren over at siddathorton for The Sunday Currently. Love me some list posts! 


reading: The Imperfectionists - such a good book. But I would not recommend reading this after The Fault in Our Stars. In fact, I would avoid reading anything for a few days after that book because it is so damn good nothing will be as good as it could be if you start immediately after.
writing: well, this…
listening: lawnmowers outside. Not sure why I haven't turned on music.
thinking: how badly I want to be laying in the pool right now.
smelling: nothing really
wishing: to be out tanning myself
hoping: my studio gets finished soon
wearing: norts & a tank
loving: almost every image I have shot the past few weeks!
wanting: some tea!
needing: SLEEP!
feeling: a special mix of exhaustion & awake-ness that only those who have insomnia can understand. 

What are you up to lately? Share! I hope you all are having a great weekend & have a fantastic week!!

kisses & poptarts