February 24, 2014

Follow your dreams, they said….



…. You'll be great, they said. 
So that's what I'm doing. Following my dream of owning my own studio. And it's slowly but surely coming true. But what happens when someone who you thought you could be with forever turns around and tells you it's great to have dreams and all, but it's better to be 'self-sufficient?' The chain of events that preceded this conversation ended in me being dumped. Which yes, sucks, but I've been dumped before. I'll get over it & live. But the reasoning behind the dumping was partially that I have a dream to own my own studio. I'm making it happen but I still live with my parents. It's not like I'm 37 and still living at home I'm 23 and chose to make my dream my reality rather than buy or rent a house. Yes, sometimes this really freaking blows. It's not that I particularly enjoy living with my parents after being out on my own but I made a choice. And I am eternally grateful that they allow me to live here. I work, possibly not as much as I should right now; I can admit that, I file taxes and pay for my own things. From April until December I rarely have a free moment to even breathe. So who the hell has the right to tell me that I do not work hard enough? 

And do you want to know the really shitty part? The part that I'm struggling to write because I'm a little bit ashamed. If he were to apologize and try to make up for it I would probably give him a second shot. I'm not really sure what this says about me or why I'm even thinking this, because let's get real, that isn't going to happen. But if it did then I wouldn't think twice about giving a second chance. Because that is what I do. I have faith that one day people aren't going to suck quite as bad. I'm also struggling with how can I possibly believe in someone who clearly doesn't believe in me?

The ironic thing about that is I never used to trust anyone. Well, I trusted a handful of people who broke down my walls, but it was hard to let those people in. I never really dated for this reason. I never thought all the pain that dating was sure to cause was worth it. Along the way I learned to have a little more faith in people and I learned to not think that everyone had malicious intentions. So I let this person in, I let down my walls. And let me tell you, it was freeing. It really did feel good to let someone get to know me without having to beat information out of me. I was comfortable with him. I was comfortable being my weird-ass-goofy self with him. We were comfortable together. He was worth letting in. I thought he had faith in my dreams becoming a reality. I was wrong. 

Now, I don't want this to get into the story of how this man broke up with me. Because no one wants to read that and I don't want to write it. So I guess the point of my rambling is to get this off of my chest. I know I'm the only person who can make myself feel better. I'm trying to look for a positive.

I wasn't going to write today. Monday's are #makeupmonday and I really didn't feel like photographing a tutorial or a look this weekend or today. My heart wouldn't have been in it and it would have sucked. Blogging and writing does make me happy though and this has been some cathartic release. Hopefully it will help me to let go and get on with it. The positive I'm taking away today is that I made some word art that truly did make me happy. 
This is an at least type of thing. Do at least one thing everyday that makes you happy. And don't let other people get you down. Believe in yourself. Believe in your dreams. Run after them, don't walk. Don't follow them. CHASE them. Have a really great week. I'm going to try to, that's for damn sure!
Linked up with Meg & Niki

2 comments:

  1. Ahhh, shoot. So sorry girl. Actually, so sorry for him. I don't know what to say. :( but I AM excited for you to pursue your dreams with your studio, and whoever you marry someday has to believe in you and you in him. It sounds like you are doing all the right things while staying at home til you get this up and going. There is no shame in that! Better than going into debt trying to be "self sufficient." Obviously, your parents believe in you!! Cheering for you girl!!
    Eva Marie

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    1. Thanks, Eva! I really do appreciate it. It's a crappy situation but everything happens for a reason and there is always a lesson to be learned. I'm sure I'll figure out what that is here soon. It's great to know I've got lots of people in my corner cheering for me and believing in me. And I'm really glad you're one of them! :)

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