June 5, 2014

who goes there?

LAST WEEK THE WITTY  & WONDERFUL ALYSSA WROTE ABOUT wondering who is reading her blog, if that one certain person is reading. And I must admit I go through the same cycle. I mean I know of a few people that actually give a damn about what I have to say here in my little space of the interwebs. I've had friends I didn't know read mention something to me about things I've written. Instant panic, btw. But I mean, it's cool! It's not like I'm hiding anything here - I tweet the links for fucksake. It's a public blog for anyone to happen upon. I love it here & wouldn't change anything. Ultimately I choose what I do & do not disclose. It's not written anywhere that we bloggers have to spill everything out here on our blogs. And if you do, more power to ya! We live in a world where "you're damned if you do & you're damn if you don't. Might as well just do what ever you want." 

But there are those certain people who I KNOW USED to read.
do you still?
you don't.
why would you?
I don't mean anything to you.
but do you read?
you probably do.
no.
why would you care what I have to say?
just stop.

I need this vicious cycle to end. so I give you this - 

I wonder: do you still read? You used to encourage me to write. You liked that I enjoyed it. do you still read? Because I totally talk about you. I would slam you without any hesitation.

I wonder: do you still read? You said to me dreaming is great & all but do you really think you can do it? do you still read? You didn't believe in me. Now you'll see that I'm getting what I always dreamed of.

I wonder: do you still read? You disregarded my dreams as foolish & childish. But you PUSHED me. you pushed me to go after what I wanted even harder. so suck it, ass face.

I wonder: do you still read? Just to check in on my life, of course. You want to know about me. It's really cool that I do this - right?

I wonder: do you still read? Now that you're happy with your relationship. Since you got the encouragement you needed from me. The advice. The kind words. do you still read?

Just some things I needed to get outa my head. It's getting too cluttered up there & I need the space. I don't have time or energy to worry about you anymore. 

do you still read? take it or leave it as you may. 



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