June 11, 2014

you hold my heart.

It is not oft that I cry. It’s very rare, actually. But I’ve noticed a trend. Most often when I find myself crying it is because:
A) exhaustion, and I have no freaking clue why tears are falling from my eyes & I cannot stop. It just has to run it’s course.
B) a song – sometimes this song has past meaning; like when I’m alone or with a few girls from high school and You’re Gonna Miss This or Laughed Until We Cried come on (our maypole songs) I once bawled at a Kenny Chesney concert. It was right after my cousin passed & he sang Who You’d Be Today. It was awful. I still can’t listen to that song. Nothing quite hits like a song live.

Today as I was painting, cutting in the edges, if you will. I’m A Small Town by Kenny Chesney came on. And somewhere between the fumes, poor circulation, & mental exhaustion I found myself crying. Not The Fault in Our Stars (BOOK) or An Affair to Remember (MOVIE) type of cry. But more than a glistening tear.
I will pause for you to listen to it.
I’m a Small Town by Kenny Chesney on Grooveshark
If you listened, thanks buddy! If not, we’re not friends anymore. Just kidding. ;)

It’s not that I just then, in that moment, realized how much I love where I live. But I think it all kind of hit me that my dreams are coming true & there is nowhere else I can picture that happening. There is nowhere else that I want to build my life.

There is a line in the song, “where you grew up & couldn’t wait to just get out.” And that was so me. (and I'm about 1000% sure everyone else) When I was 18, like most kids that age I was hell bent on getting out of here. “you left in a cloud of dust. big city bound. but I never once gave up.”

I LOVED STL. I HATED savannah. I missed every thing about this place - going out to dinner & not getting to finish a meal without seeing at least 15 people you know. Or your family getting to a restaurant at the same time as another family and sitting together impromptu. I missed the closeness. Heck I missed walking into somewhere having never met the person I was speaking to and them saying “you’re Gene’s girl.” Yepp. Sure am!

Either you love me or you hate me for everything I am.
Either I hold your heart or I hold you down.

I’m a small town.

I've been skipping out on this place a lot lately. It's really that I don't have much mental capacity at the end of the day to produce a whole lot of quality writing. But this was a story I thought worthy of print. 

Have a happy weekend y'all. I'm saying now I won't be here for a Friday post. Maybe I will. But probs not.
Love you mean it.

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