November 9, 2016

we have to have hope

As per usual, it's been a minute. As I've stated many times before this is my safe place to come and voice my thoughts. Comments will be turned off; because frankly, I am not looking to discuss at this time. I am writing solely to understand for myself. 

Last night I kept myself busy cooking dinner while watching the results roll in. At first, I was hopeful. But I found myself a nervous wreck; so I moved on to laundry and turned on American Horror Story: Murder House, seemed appropriate considering.

By the time I went to bed I was worried. Hopeful, yet worried.

I woke up at 3 with a sick feeling, I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep. By 4 it was evident I wasn't going back to sleep. I opened my news tab to read what I have feared most the past few months.

I read the national news first. I felt defeated as I realized everything is red. I felt one last glimmer of hope before I went to my local news. And then it was all gone. Locally, there is red everywhere. Not exactly surprising.

I am not afraid of change. Change is welcome. Change is needed. What is the norm in this country hasn't been working.

What I am afraid of is that there will be no check and no balance. Which is the cornerstone this country is built on.

Around the interwebs there are memes and posts telling us to proceed with life as normal. But I'll have you know, I have worked incredibly hard for the life that I live to be my "normal." The life I live is normal because of strong, fierce, & capable women who came before me to break the mold. I can do things like have a bank account in my name, have a credit card in my name, own a home in my name, own a business in my name. 50 years ago, none of these things would have been possible.

Less than 100 years ago women gained the right to vote. It was the 1960s before black men and women were able to exercise that right.

Unfortunately, I live in a very close-minded area. In any given room, as a strong feminist I am alone; there are male elitists looking to man-splain their frankly, uninformed opinions. And unfortunately, it isn't only men.

I am not upset because the woman on the ballot was not elected. (Do you realize there were TWO women on this ballot?)

I am upset because this election has taught not only children, but adults alike, that it is okay to disrespect anyone and everyone. And that it is okay to use people like stepping stones to get to the top.

I am upset because those who were elected into office have voiced feelings and displayed actions of extreme hatred toward not only women, but black people, LGBTQ people, and disabled people, to name only a few. 

I am upset because women's rights are about to be turned back 100 years.

I am upset because as a woman, I feel I have the right to choose what is best for my body.

I am upset because as a woman, I am a daily victim of sexual assault & harassment.

I am upset that men think that it is okay to shout lewd comments and honk their horns as I walk down the street or through the grocery store.

And I am upset because I have two choices: take it or be labeled bitch.

I am upset because if I stand up for myself and others I am not labeled a strong, fierce woman. I am labeled a bitch, a twat, a whore, and even a cunt. 

When I realized my two choices would be Secretary Clinton or freaking Donald Trump, I was less than thrilled.

People think that just because I don't support Donald Trump, I support Clinton. This is not the case.

I am not upset because we won't have I woman in office.

I am upset because I don't want a misogynistic asshat.

Today, I am hopeless.

But only for today. Tomorrow is a new day; not that we can take back what we have done, but I have to have hope that people will lose some of their hate and start seeing the good in each other.

I am hopeful because if we have no hope, we truly have nothing.