December 7, 2016

self care is not selfish


DECEMBER 21ST.  The ever looming deadline. The final day for pickups. In all reality the ever looming deadline is probably the 17th. Because, let's be real. I need to have my shit together so people have several days to pickup.

I work fervently and relentlessly to get everything finished to perfection in time for Christmas gifts and so that all of my wonderful families can show off their beautiful new pieces. I initially typed out the lists at the bottom of this post. I'm going to leave them. But the lists are just aspects of my human doing that I ride this time of year. The point of this is so much more than that. I didn't want to lose an audience before I got to the real grit of it.

Today I did something different than merely my exercise of human doing. I ENJOYED.

I have planned for several weeks to take today off work. A Wednesday - insert shocked face here. If you can believe it, I went the entire day without going to or even driving past the studio. I didn't think about work once. And I didn't talk about work once. I didn't worry that I skipped the gym. I just spent the entire day with my best friend. We did some Christmas shopping. We talked about anything and everything. We had a solid girls day. Complete with sushi, burgers, and coffee. {not all consumed in conjunction}

It was a great day. We had so much fun. I haven't had fun like that, without feeling guilty, in a long time. As a sole proprietor if I'm not working, I'm not getting paid. It's very hard, but necessary to overcome that mentality. I am beginning to realize and understand that if I don't take care of me and take a day off every once in a while then my work begins to show it. I cannot afford that. Balance, is what I need. Balance is something we could all use more of. 

I can say with absolute certainty that I have never, before today, gone a WHOLE DAY without thinking  worrying about work. It was the most amazing feeling. Tomorrow I will be back and refreshed. Ready to take on the next 14 days. 

If you take anything away from this let it be this: self care is not selfish. Others will try to make you feel guilty. You cannot control them, you can ignore them though. Yes, easier said than done. You will try to make yourself feel guilty, stop it. Don't do it. You deserve time off. Self care is not selfish. 
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This time of year you could compare me to good ol' Santa Claus:
I make lists.
I check them twice okay, 4 & 5 times.
I eat a ton of cookies.
Sub milk for copious amounts of coffee.
I bring mother fucking joy.

Then, imagine this:
September - December orders increase two fold as compared to the rest of the year.
I'm at the studio until 11 three nights a week.
I do not sleep.
I'm tired downright exhausted.
Believe it or not, I am extra cranky. BUT CAN'T SHOW IT. 
I think about work constantly.
It's really hard on my mind as well as my body.
It's hard on all of my relationships.
I go days without seeing or speaking to anyone but my dog. On the bright side, she doesn't get sassy, but I mean she doesn't talk either so I'm essentially talking to myself. 

SELF CARE IS NOT SELFISH. I HAVE TO KEEP THIS ON A LOOP IN MY HEAD OR ELSE THIS ^^ TAKES OVER. 

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